loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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