he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
