Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
