I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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