It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
