My nipple is on Facebook.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
