was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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