Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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