worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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