i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
