I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
