Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize