i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
