having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
