Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
