Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
