I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
