The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
