Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
