Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
