I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
