A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
one might say we're banned from that church
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
