How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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