Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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