I think I won the penis lottery.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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