u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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