"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
