Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
