Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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