Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
