im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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