Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
