you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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