Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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