it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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