after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
