I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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