i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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