I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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