I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
