ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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