Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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