I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
