my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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