i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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