Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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