The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just crazy horny about you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
