Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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