I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We need to get me chipped asap
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
