my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
