I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
