It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
