Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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