So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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