Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
