THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
