oh god the rape fog is back!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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