Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
