Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
