HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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