I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
