There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
