I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
