i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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