capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
