Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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