Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize