Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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