Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
