Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
