That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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