You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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