Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
