Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
