so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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