I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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