Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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