I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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