so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
