I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How does one acquire holy water?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
