I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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