My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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